Extreme Sports Get You Extreme Killed.

Not only can you get more extremely hurt (which is sick! Youtube that shit, yo!) but you can also look totally awesome-ly Asian. holla!

From the product webpage:
Poweriser is the latest in extreme sports! Powerisers
enable their users to run and jump with super human
speed and strength!
How’s that possible?
Powerisers possess a unique fiberglass spring which
is loaded with your gravitational potential and kinetic
energy! Simply push upon the spring using your weight
and the spring pushes back! Poweriser running and
jumping stilts will enable you to jump to heights of 5-7 feet
and run at speeds of 17-21 mph! A perfect leg training activity!

LINK

The Grunting Had Become Too Much

No, not a bear, not an ape or gorilla, not even my roommate (who even grunts when he’s fixing his hair – no hair – it’s such an effort to move a comb over no hair, but you seem to find a way to make it look hard [sound hard] [is it weird that I’m using a lot of parenthesis? and that I’m saying “close parenthesis when I do this ] ) You’d think she’s a prostitute for some of the things she says, like “ugh! ugh! UGH!” and “It feels natural to do my noise. I’m not faking it…”
But I digress…
9-year-old Lauryn Edwards (yes, the “Y” does make her cool [ not the slang term of YMCA, but the
actually replacement of “e” for that crazy “y”] was found at fault by her local tennis club for grunting too loudly. She was banned. Her father has made comments defending her daughter, saying things like: his daughter’s grunting was nowhere near Sharapova’s level and had been exaggerated and “She was in such a state that I had to bring her home mid-match.”

LINK

Here you go, a video for you, (Pedophiles)…

UPDATE: Typo on the Youtube, fuckin N00bzzzzzz

Please. She Needs Your Help.

Shibani is a 15 year-old girl in India. Her father only brings in 21 US dollars a month. She lives with her brother Joydeb, 14 and sister Bani, 7. Her favorite pastime is jumping rope and she is great at drawing. All 5 family members live in one multi-use room with walls and floors made of mud, and a roof made of corrugated metal. The home is heated with a coal stove. The sleep on the floor with a mat. Although water is not miles away, it is shared with the whole community Electricity is available, but not affordable. Their sanitary facility is an open field.
Please, I’m looking for donations to send to her each month. With being at college and my income level being lower, I need your help. Each month I send 22 dollars to Children International to help Shibani go to school, have clothes and get adequate medical care. She needs your help. I hate to sound like a broken record, but you really can help. Even one dollar will help me get her closer to the comfort we all enjoy.

Because Basketball Sux

Hoops Hybrid Being Molded Into a League
New York Times: LINK
SlamBall redux? The hybrid basketball-gymnastics extreme sport that had a short life on Spike in 2002 and 2003 is being resurrected for a “showcase” season to be taped in June with expectations of selling eight franchises before 2009.
The revived SlamBall’s new season is being financed by IMG, which has joined with its original partners, the producer Mike Tollin and the sport’s creator, Mason Gordon. They have hired Pat Croce, the ebullient former president of the Philadelphia 76ers, as the commissioner.
The earlier version “was more a television show than a sport, and Spike wasn’t widely distributed then,” said Chris Albrecht, the president of IMG Global Media. “Mike wanted to revive it as a sport.” He added, “It’s like a live-action video game.”
Each 20-minute, full-contact game is played on a springy, 100-by-60-foot floor augmented by 7-by-14-foot trampolines at the keys that let players soar above the baskets.
“This isn’t the Phoenix Suns’ gorilla mascot jumping on a trampoline,” Tollin said.
Tollin said one reason for bringing SlamBall back was the success it had when it was licensed as a league last summer in Italy. TV ratings outstripped projections.
The goal in SlamBall’s second go-round in the United States is to elevate its quality and establish a viable league that could spin off leagues in Asia and Europe. “It’s a start-up, yes, but its appeal is unique and broad-based,” said Tollin, who recently produced “The Bronx Is Burning” miniseries and the “Bonds on Bonds” reality series for ESPN…

Spain Ranked Fourth, May Be Excluded

CNN: LINK

Since we’re on the topic  of sports. Fuck you, Peter Forsberg.

ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) — Spain are threatened with possible expulsion from this year’s European Championship because of the government’s demands upon the national soccer federation. UEFA spokesman Gaillard, right, warns that Spain could face FIFA sanctions because of government intervention.
“It’s by no means an empty threat,” William Gaillard, a spokesman for European soccer’s governing body, UEFA, told The Associated Press. “I think FIFA would sanction Spain if there is no agreement.”
The Spanish government asked all sports federations not competing in this year’s Olympics to hold elections before the Beijing Games in August. The Spanish soccer federation, however, doesn’t end its four-year term until November.
“It’s not up to a government to tell a federation when to hold elections,” Gaillard said. FIFA, world soccer’s ruling body, can ban teams from international competition. It “is a very powerful weapon, so governments do give in,” Gaillard said. “FIFA has the utmost respect for national laws,” FIFA said by e-mail. “But if you are a member of an organization, and you agree to adhere to its regulations, then you must do so.” FIFA also said it would not let Spain off easy because they are among the best teams.
“We do not look at the ranking or status of a member association when determining if it should be suspended or not,” FIFA said. “In 2006, the current European champion Greece was suspended.”
Should Spain be excluded their absence could open the way for qualifying group rivals Northern Ireland to be handed a surprise slot in the finals. Spain, ranked fourth, is not the only country facing such problems, but it is the only one that could be suspended from June’s continental championship in Austria and Switzerland. “FIFA’s rules regarding elections are 100 percent compatible with Spanish law and with its electoral processes,” Spanish Sport Minister Jaime Lissavetzky said. “The truth is I don’t see anything to the contrary.” his month, FIFA warned Albania it could be suspended, provisionally lifted a suspension against Kuwait, forced Turkey’s government to accept independent soccer statutes and monitored elections for soccer officials in Iran, the U.S. Virgin Islands, American Samoa and Burkina Faso. FIFA also said it was working with soccer officials to hold elections in the Central African Republic, Indonesia and Palestine, and resolved a government interference case in Peru. Other cases are pending in Cyprus, Dominica and Togo.

Shake That Fat, Watch Yo’self! Shake That Fat, Show Me Whatcha Workin’ With!

Beer-belly squad to jiggle and cheer
Miami Herald: LINK

The Florida Marlins are looking for some big fans.

And by big, they mean fat.

The team is hosting auditions Sunday for baseball’s first all-male, all-obese cheerleading squad: the Manatees.

The Marlins want ”big bellies with the biggest jiggle, big feet with the best dance moves and enthusiasm that will rock Marlins fans out of their seats,” according to a team flier.

The guys will perform at Friday and Saturday home games during the 2008 season.

No experience necessary; no fat paychecks, either.

”They’ll get tickets to the games they’re in,” Marlins spokesman P.J. Loyello said.

To try out, just show up at Dolphin Stadium at 1 p.m. Sunday wearing Marlins gear — and be ready to dance. The Marlins expect to draft seven to 10 guys for the Manatees, based in part on how well they perform a choreographed routine. Like the Rockettes. Seriously.

The Marlins claim to be the first major league baseball team with a big-man dance squad, but it’s old news for Chicago basketball fans. The Matadors have been lighting up the court at Bulls home games since 2003 in their oversized red-and-black gear.

Locally, the Miami Heat has the Golden Oldies — seniors who shake it at one game a month — but the Manatees will be South Florida’s only big-league, big-guy cheerleaders.

The Manatee tryouts come soon after Men’s Fitness ranked Miami-Fort Lauderdale seventh on the magazine’s annual list of the fattest places in America.

The magazine reported that 21 percent of South Floridians are obese, and there are more fast-food joints and pizza shops here on average than any other cities on the list.

Maybe the Manatees will inspire South Floridians to shed a few pounds.

Fat chance.

2007 NFL re-draft: Brady Quinn to Carolina?

2007 NFL re-draft

“I am a firm believer that you can’t truly judge a draft class until at least three years have passed, but nine weeks into the 2007 season there have been plenty of impressive performances by rookies and many teams have seen their needs shift significantly.

With that in mind, we’re having some fun and taking a look at how things might change if the slate were wiped clean and the NFL held a re-draft today. Knowing how things have changed, what might happen? Read on …”