How to Do Nothing When You Are Working

18 11 2007


How to Do Nothing When You Are Working

“This is an instruction page on how to do nothing productive all day at work and fool people into thinking you’re a hard-working employee.

Steps
1. Pick a company that has had multiple profitable years. They are often flush with cash and have a lot of ambitious managers/salespeople working there that think they need more help or an assistant. Once they get you they won’t know how to utilize you, so you’ll do little more than an occasional dinner reservation. Even better, look for an organization where they want to ‘grow’ the companies infrastructure so the hire a bunch of accounting and admin people before they have much for them to do. Also, one that has a very liberal internet and email usage policy. This is critical because internet and email is what will save you from committing suicide from the boredom.
2. Seek out an hourly administrative/accounting job that has been ‘newly created’. Often times the new position is created because other slackers have complained that there is ‘too much’ work (FYI, in a large corporate office, there is no such thing for an admin), or they work late (to pile on the overtime pay) a lot so management finally decides to hire someone to ease the burden. Enter you!
3. Give a great interview. Pretend to be really interested in doing the job, tell them about your great ‘organizational’ skills and your desire to ‘help people’. Most admins detest helping people, and it shows on their face, so someone who smiles says they enjoy it will be a rose among dandelions. Go in there dressed to the 9’s so they think you’re totally into getting the job. Don’t go overboard, but be super upbeat and energetic; HR people and hiring managers eat that stuff up…”

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