Shaven / Caffeine / CiCi’s

I shaved yesterday with a disposible razor. it was rough as I had, at it’s longest, 3 inches of beard to cut. I was going to wait until this weekend to trim it, but I need a clean face soon to apply for and interview for jobs. Applying to: AT&T sales, Kmart Customer Service, Dental Hygeinist Assistant somewhere’s in Chalfont. I’ll have some work via Manhattan Bagel and Meyle Inc.

When I get caffeinated 2 things happen, I’m either happy or sad. As I was well caffeinated in GEOG, I began to miss PSU and became very nervous about what will happen once I’m home. and I have to get Christmas gifts. oh no. but I did start to think about where I want to be in a couple years. I’d like to own a business. a little shop of some sort. and I want to move out because I value independence. If I get a decent job this coming semester I hope to accumulate enough capital to move out by summer or fall. Wish me luck. and if you have any advice, feel free to comment.

I’m going to CiCi’s for dinner with Ben and a few others.

and I want to give Nick names to my best friends. or something of that nature. but maybe that’s just the caffeine talking.

Naked Gun 4

The Naked Gun

One rant for today.

Why are there 4 Scary Movie movies and only 3 Naked Guns? Parody films are sooo annoying sometimes (naked gun is a parody movie, I know). but Superhero movie? that’s almost as bad as “Reference Movie” (See movie at bottom). But anyway, I love Naked Gun. and it’s humor, or lack thereof, is me. so here’s 2 interviews with David Zucker and Leslie Neilsen. and a snip-it from Wikipedia about Police Squad – the show Naked Gun was based on.

Interviewer: Any chance of you guys re-teaming for another “Naked Gun” in the future?
Zucker: We would really like to. The studio just doesn’t get the joke though. They’re not interested in the franchise. Funny thing was, Scary Movie 3 opened up against a Paramount movie at the box office on the same week of release and the Paramount movie disappeared without a trace. They still may not get it, but if they really wanted to see whether spoof movies still work they should’ve taken a look that week, even back when Scary one came out. And if they think that’s a different case because it was an R rated spoof movie, they should look at ours – it’s PG-13.

LINK

Interviewer: David mentioned that there might be a fourth Naked Gun if they can persuade the humourless folks at Paramount to do it. Would you want to do it?

Neilsen: I’d keep my fingers crossed. I would do it, are you kidding? I mean, it’s a special kind of humour and the essence of the humour is that they never try to tell the audience what’s funny. But without —

Interviewer: O.J.?

Neilsen: O.J. Well, it never crossed my mind that that would have made any difference, not to say that he wasn’t very heavy support for the film; he was a very big athlete and a big star. Very enthusiastic and very easy and wonderful to work with. But it may be that that coloured part of their consideration in choosing to not give it a run, but people have come in even after and wanted to buy the property. Paramount could have sold the property, but it’s in the archives, and you don’t sell things if you’re not going to use them yourself, because if they get sold and then become big hits, or big money maker, then somebody is responsible.

LINK

“Police Squad! was cancelled because the viewer had to watch it in order to appreciate it.” What Thomopoulos meant was that the viewer had to actually pay attention to the show in order to get much of the humor, while most other TV shows did not demand as much effort from the viewer. In its annual “Cheers and Jeers” issue, TV Guide magazine called the explanation for the cancellation “the most stupid reason a network ever gave for ending a series.”

Matt Groening is quoted as saying “If Police Squad! had been made twenty years later, it would have been a smash. It was before its time. In 1982 your average viewer was unable to cope with its pace, its quick-fire jokes. But these days they’d have no problems keeping up, I think we’ve proved that.”

LINK

Dear Beer Pong Enthusiasts

Dear Beer Pong enthusiasts,
fuck off. why do you need a game to get drunk? isn’t your life miserable enough that you should be drowning in your sorrows and natty light? I know this is your one time you can win a “sport”, or participate in competition, but if you got off your ass you’d realize life’s a game, and you might want to stop losing. I wouldn’t be as pissed off if you guys didn’t rave about how awesome it is. “hey you’re having a party? beer pong champ right here!” “hey you’re not invited!” “awww, I’ll play alone then. I don’t like you guys anyway. who’s with me?” silence. and if I hear another beer pong story, I will be forced to knock down all your cups and drink all your booze so you can’t play ever again. dare me? go ahead, why don’t you talk about how you demolished like 2 teams and then sucked. wow! You’re so cool. that must make your dick bigger? oh wait, nope still playing soggy cookie with yourself. if you ever decide that you need a game to drink, you’re not drinking enough. seriously. wake up and smell the Heineken.
Love yours,
Alex

Wait until friday

I’ll post again on friday

I’m going to wilkes-barre today

then carbondale for court thursday

and back here on friday in time for an Econ test

and then work from 5.30-9.30

afterwards hopefully partying, winding down, or sleeping or all three or 2/3 or 2/3 the other way.

anyway, good luck see you soon.

Alex over and out

ps watch this

20,000 People Die from Extreme Poverty a Day

Sorry. I haven’t felt much like myself lately. the only thing that really makes me happy right now is working. I’m relatively happy, I guess. but I want more. I’m looking for new friends but it’s hard to come by, it’s hard to go up to someone and say “hey, my name is Alex. Want to be friends?” I’m feeling pretty apathetic, I just want to find a way to make myself happy or be forgiven. But what do I have to offer? I can’t give gifts or money. nothing. I try to say something anything but I can only say I miss you so many times. My life kind of does suck but’s just so much better than the people who have nothing. Why should I be upset? When people are dying just from being poor, I don’t think I should complain. I mean, I’ve got friends. not close ones anymore. Sure, my roommate is a complete jerk and doesn’t say a word, but when he does it’s on his phone really loud with the TV up to 11. So? It’s not that bad. I’ll have to sell my car. oh well. it’s not like I’m living on the streets. it’s my favorite possession in the world, but as long as I can eat… College isn’t bad. I can manage that. I don’t have anyone to turn to. I don’t have a close relationship with my family because I don’t want to upset them, or make them think any less of me. I don’t know why we’re not close. It’s not because of dad. that’s another thing, my dad’s dead. oh god. well, I actually feel better now. I’m not going to let myself get myself down. bye.

This Week in Review

To whomever it may concern:

I know I haven’t been posting often but I’m hoping to bring back regular posts – hoping to do about 4-7 posts a day. I’ve got many many articles to talk about. I just haven’t found the time or felt the urge to post. I’m not gonna post like I used to, trying to make each post unique and exciting instead of just copy-paste and links.

This week I’ve been studying more than I used to and I’ve been going around campus – to the library and HUB – to try out new environments. Not much happening in the papers, which is a let down. But I started working at the dining commons next to my hall. It’s quite an experience, lemme tell you. I forget all about school when I’m working. It’s immersed in learning new things and trying to keep myself busy. I don’t really like standing around because it gives a bad impression to the people above me. And yesterday I made around 100+ cheese steaks – working the grill on my second day of work. It was a lot of responsibility, but it beats standing around picking at my fingernails. Really, I love to work. I get paid, stay occupied, socialize and help people. I can’t complain, except chopping at meat patties to make them into cheese steaks takes some arm strength. I guess it’s good because I don’t go to the gym.

This tourney is fun. I’ve been catching games here and there and competing with friends (over “bracketology”) is always fun. Wtf, Firefox. Bracketology is a word, goddammit. oops. It’s Easter, isn’t it? Happy Easter!

So anyway, to get to my point, I’m looking for people to write with me, either as guest bloggers or co-bloggers. I need some inspiration! I’ve got great articles, just need help writing about them. My Fun drive is not working at full capacity? what am I saying?

It’s been fun being back to PSU. One thing I missed about PSU all spring break. the showers. beautiful water pressure. nice and hard. and fast… ;-)

like rugby.

So thanks for listening and thanks for all the people for being nice. and fuck you, roomie.

Sincerely,

Alex Kozdra

You are Wrong Craig Playstead

I found this list of “10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy” off of MSN. It’s like we haven’t progressed from the prototypical 1950’s household at all. here’s my response to each thing:

1) “That looks cute.”
Thanks for noticing. I think you’re really cute, wanna make out?
2) “We need to talk.”
Aren’t we already talking?
3) “It’s just a game.”
Yeah, in the end we’re both losers anyway. you gonna eat that cake?
4) “Nothing’s wrong.”
ok.
5) “I sound like my mom.”
I like your mom.
6) “I just want to be friends.”
And have sex, right?
7) “Size doesn’t matter.”
Good. because I’m shorter than you.
8) “What are you wearing?”
Use your eyes, woman!
9) “Do you think she’s pretty?”
Are there aliens on the moon?
10) “Which outfit do you like better?”
Your birthday suit.

LINK

You Need Reasons to Think Spiderman Sucks?

This is in response to emails and comments I’ve recieved in a big influx regarding this post: Why I would not like to be spiderman. Instead of making a whole new I hate spiderman list, I’ve chosen to respond to letters, and comments I’ve gotten in regard to my post. The italicized parts will be me. Below. Caption “I’m coming for your kids!”

Hi My name is Kelly and Im in year eight
and just f y i you are really weird!!! and maybe slightly retarded…(eye yam sofa king we todd ed, Kelly. get an education. didn’t you learn in skewl how 2 talk? How dare you call them retards, you, you, retard.)
Spider man is one of the coolest super heroes around (how dare you call him cool. and if I was doing a “coolest super heroes” list, which this is not, spiderman would not make the 100 hero list. Have you seen his get-up? who made that crap, spiders? because it looks worse than anything Elisa (from season 4 of project runway) has ever made.) and there you are trying to diss him… seriously?! (Yes, trying, but you’re making it a lot easier)

the one-and-only thing i slightly agree with you on is the whole ‘ does he
have a spider bite that can make other people spiders…’ yes that would
be cooler if he did… but still like come on!!! (I’ll have to come on you if you keep this up. [I'm not a pedophile, seriously. don't visit this site: LINK])
don’t you just love looking at all the little kids in the movie theaters
looking up to spider man like he is the greatest heroes ever?? (yes, I like looking at kids, you got me…) and when
there are dress-up parties and the little kids go to the parties dressed
up like spider man?? Like how cute is that??? awww…
anyways… plz (no. not cool.) dont (punctuation, who do you think I am, E.e. Cummings? [he was a poet who resisted capitalization and puncuation, n00bsause. also, Cummings...hahahaha]) reply even though u probly like am totally enraged by all this….so… bye…

Anonymous said: go eat willy 

(Done. )

Tim said:

You, sir, are a dumbass. (point taken.) First of all spiderwebs are among the strongest materials known to man (oh yeah, try to break a diamond with a spiderweb. or better yet, try to stop me from cleaning the cobwebs outta jo mamas vajayjay), and if you actually researched what you were dishing on, you’d know that. Not to mention the fact that the spider was radioactive. (like your mom.) Secondly, dinosaurs suck mainly because they are EXTINCT. (like your mom, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself) How many dinosaurs do you know that can swing from webs, spit venom and strike fear into the hearts of millions world-wide even though most are smaller than a quarter? (actually, 3. you should watch out. they are very offended by you. and very angry. not because of you, but because they can’t find a good store to buy clothes for men who are big and tall. oh wait, now I remember, Men’s Wearhouse.) Dinosaurs couldn’t even survive their own Apocalypse, smart-one. Thirdly, how much ass could YOU kick wearing jeans and a t-shirt? (a lot.) Sure Frank Castle did it (also awesome) but Spidey’s suit gave him a greater range of motion for more ass-kicking.(DUH). What makes a true superhero isn’t what they wear or their super-powers, it the fact that they push their own problems aside and sacrifice their life for a greater good (i.e. the lives of millions of other people who can’t defend theirselves against villains). (actually it’s the superpowers and their clothes. If I want to read about mental problems, I’ll pick up your journal, Masturbater McMasturbatesallthetime.) Lastly, the spider that bit Peter Parker, WAS RADIOACTIVE DUMBASS! (you said that already. and nobody seems to care)

“Spidersam” said:

I would just like to say.
you are ridiculosly stupid (a college education would do that to you.)

Spiderman owns, have you ever seen him lose? (well, he is a loser. does that count?)

and when he does. (yes, that’s a sentence.) he gets right back up and kicks ass.

and dinosaurs?
are you freaking stupid? (not nearly enough, apparently. not stupid enough to compete with you.)

you are. sorry. (don’t be sorry, it’s ok. Olive juice, comma.)
dinosaurs cant go in buildings or anything. (that’s why Godzilla rulezzz d00d. am I right?)

they’ll freaking destroy the city. (OH NO! IT’S GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!)

DOUCHE.

think your stupid comments through next time. (ditto!)

Tim is a genius.

From Spidersam.

Whos cooler then you. (put some clothes on, your neighbors are watching you touch yourself…again.)

:-/ BRBRBRBR

Hey, I’ll be back posting soon. I’ve got an exam to study for. and a paper to write. so please view past posts to get your fill of “Interesting News and Junk”

also – I’m looking for a new catch phrase for the site. desperate.

also – check out timesreport.blogspot.com – for summaries of the New York Times, from yours truly.

Harry Potter