Dear Beer Pong Enthusiasts

Dear Beer Pong enthusiasts,
fuck off. why do you need a game to get drunk? isn’t your life miserable enough that you should be drowning in your sorrows and natty light? I know this is your one time you can win a “sport”, or participate in competition, but if you got off your ass you’d realize life’s a game, and you might want to stop losing. I wouldn’t be as pissed off if you guys didn’t rave about how awesome it is. “hey you’re having a party? beer pong champ right here!” “hey you’re not invited!” “awww, I’ll play alone then. I don’t like you guys anyway. who’s with me?” silence. and if I hear another beer pong story, I will be forced to knock down all your cups and drink all your booze so you can’t play ever again. dare me? go ahead, why don’t you talk about how you demolished like 2 teams and then sucked. wow! You’re so cool. that must make your dick bigger? oh wait, nope still playing soggy cookie with yourself. if you ever decide that you need a game to drink, you’re not drinking enough. seriously. wake up and smell the Heineken.
Love yours,
Alex