In Stitches

An Ode to my favorite Comic, Sally Forth, The inspiration for Garfield Minus Garfield (Garfield minus Garfield plus Cat), a rebuttal to Garfield Minus Garfield: Garfield minus Garfield plus Garfield.

Love at First Fright?

This woman tried to bring her brother on a plane. her dead brother. actually, just her dead brothers skeleton. It turned out, however, that the woman was simply trying to fulfill the last wish of her brother – who died 11 years ago in Sao Paulo, Brazil – to be buried in Italy. But they were travelling from Italy to Brazil… Which reminds me  if anyone  can find the Shoe comic when Shoe is the bartender is like “well, the customers are always right” and in the next panel where the guy is like “sigh, all my customers are dead.” send that my way!

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It Enhanced Their Sexual Relationship Having Me be a Part of It

Wakka chicka wakka chicka wakka chicka wah

Theodore Pedersen, Former Governor McGreevy’s aide (sexually and politically) revealed that he had sexual relations not only with the governor, but his girlfriend and former wife, Dina Matos. They had “Friday Night Specials” from 1999-2001 which included dinner at T.G.I. Friday’s (who have great Jack Daniel’s Samplers, so fucking delicious) and ended with a threesome at McGreevey’s condo (get a real home!). There is some honor in Pedersen’s testimony, he wanted to tell the truth and make sure Dina doesn’t get the big “payday.” Love it. The story has honor, betrayal, sex, politics, love, and lust – everything I look for in a movie (oops! I mean porno, my bad, LOLtastic).

and here’s some quotations:

“I had heard the rumors in circles outside of work,” he said. “In hindsight, there might have been light interest (in me), but it didn’t seem like he was gay. It did enhance their sexual relationship having me be a part of it.”

“The more we spend time with each other, the more we begin to trust each other with non-professional things,” he said. “That relationship starts to progress, to transform into subtle hints, flirts.”

Then, Pedersen said, “Friday night specials developed into Saturday mornings.”

“The sex was good,” Matos McGreevey wrote.

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Masturbatable Inflatables

Oh yeah, for all you classy people out there who think Alien Sex dolls is just wrong (not me…), Pipedream Products markets celebrity lookalike blow-up dolls. These dolls are probably cheaper than that actually thing, unless you want to stoop down to Britney-level and go to the Old Cuntry Buffet. oh wait, I forgot to add the Ohhhhhhh!

Radar Online: Why no male dolls?

Orlando: We can’t use porno guys [as models], because they’re disgusting but girls are a dime a dozen, so it’s no problem at all.

Here’s a link to the interview with the CEO

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Drugs are Ok. But Skittles, Fuck, Suspension!

An eighth-grade honors student was suspended for a day, barred from attending an honors dinner and stripped of his title as class vice president after he was caught with contraband candy. He was restored to his post and his suspension expunged. But get a load of this awesome quotation:

“I am sorry this has happened,” Principal Turner said in a statement. “My hope is that we can get back to the normal school routine, especially since we are in the middle of taking the Connecticut mastery test.”

…Especially since we are in the middle of taking the Connecticut mastery test. Yes. Not because it is fucking stupid to suspend someone for selling skittles, but because the distraction will break moral and cause students to do bad on a fucking state test. Michael didn’t realize his candy purchase was against the rules, but he was being “secretive”. You would be secretive too, if you were a politician. didn’t you see that Spitzer guy?

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Ode to Spitzer

I was gonna go all “Perez Hilton” on his photo, but I decided in favor of a little class. very little class.

Top 5 Reasons Dropping $80,000 for a Hooker is Bad for the Environment

1. Extra Travel
2. Hotels
3. Conspicuous Consumption
4. The Money
5. Political Backlash

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Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s Myspace (with her own music!)

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Prostitution in a Wired World

“Not only can prostitutes and escort services now run more efficient businesses, but they can leverage word-of-mouth advertising in new ways to build their brands and troll for clients.”
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Prostitution: A User’s Manual

This article goes through all those nagging prostitution questions like “what is prostitution?”; “do prostitutions have a comparative and/or absolute advantage is blowjobs?”; “why do prostitutes rake in so much dough?”; “how can I become a prostitute?”; and “where can I find prostitutes?”

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Ashley Alexandra Dupre Cashes In

This article makes me wish I was Spitzer’s woman. I want to be in Playboy!

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The Aliens are Cuming!

Since Real Dolls aren’t good enough for all you creepers out there, and this documentary hasn’t swayed you away from Realdolldom, Area 51 has recently unlocked the classified ultra-secret sex dolls left after the Aliens crashed in Roswell. Being in company with Charlie Sheen may be one of your fantasies, but I wouldn’t want to be known for being the guy who buys real dolls. Now these documents have recently been released to the public. What I love about this product is that it caters to the people who really need to get laid, the guys who are watching total recall and Star Trek 24/7. Don’t get me wrong I love total recall, I can honestly say Arnold Schwarzeneggar cannot do a bad movie. He may not be a good actor, but his movies are fan-fuckin-tastic. Did you see Conan the Barbarian? and he’s not too bad acting like a politician too, except for the whole not-supporting-gay-marriage thing. anyway, I wish I could watch Star Trek, I just fall asleep everytime with the bland conversation. but it is funny how Captain James T. Kirk is so Pomp and how Spock is the shit because he’s so heartless. but I digress…Alien Sex Dolls. With Free Alien Lube, “pussy-shaped mouth, 3 supples breasts, suction cup fingers and ass-shaped ears make it the kinkiest love slave in the galaxy”.

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