Accident Ruins Fat Man’s Date Plans

His only goal was to go on a date with his girlfriend. It’s so sad, he lost 400 pounds so he can actually get outside.

MEXICO CITY (AP) — When Manuel Uribe went out on a date, he made all the necessary arrangements: a forklift to carry him out of the house and a flatbed tow truck big enough to haul the formerly half-ton man and his bed to a party.
But even the open road wasn’t big enough to handle Uribe’s dream of celebrating a budding romance and his success in losing about 440 pounds.
Uribe was halfway to a picnic near his Monterrey-area home on Sunday when one of the posts holding a sun-shielding tarp over his bed hit an overpass. Uribe’s blood pressure dropped so much his doctors advised him not to go on and the celebration - being documented by about two dozen photographers and reporters from around the world - was canceled.
“We were going to celebrate that I’ve been losing weight for two years and that it was my girlfriend’s birthday,” Uribe said in a telephone interview.

“The saddest part was that I couldn’t fulfill my dream of taking my girlfriend out to eat.”
Uribe says that after losing weight on a high-protein diet he started two years ago, he’s down to about 800 pounds.
Last year, Uribe left his house for the first time in five years. Six people pushed his iron bed on wheels out to the street as a mariachi band played and a crowd gathered to see the man who once weighed 1,235 pounds).
At the time, the 42-year-old mechanic rode through the streets of his native San Nicolas de los Garza to enjoy the sun and wave to neighbors.
Uribe weighed more than 250 pounds as an adolescent, and he just kept growing. Since the summer of 2002, Uribe has been bedridden, relying on his mother and friends to feed and clean him. He drew worldwide attention when he pleaded for help on national television in January 2006. Uribe says despite the setback, he still hopes to go out with his girlfriend on June 11, when he will turn 43. “We’ll just have to plan it better,” he said.

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What Did They Use the Flashlight For?

I don’t need any commentary to make this funny.

Saturday at 1 a.m. Key West police responded to a call of a “suspicious incident” at an abandoned Staples Avenue house from a nearby resident. A report says that upon arrival, police found the 32-year-old man bound with pantyhose and gagged, wearing women’s intimate clothing and with a foam ball in your mouth.
Police say he told them he met a man earlier in the evening outside the Bull and Whistle bar on Duval Street who asked him if he wanted to “fool around.” He consented, according to a police report.
The pair went to the abandoned building and “engaged in sexual acts on top of a blanket.” But the suspect started telling the victim to do things he didn’t want, police reported. The victim didn’t provide police details.
The man who did the tying up, reportedly against the victim’s will, left. They indicate they found a sex toy, a Kleenex with lipstick, stockings, a bra, two tennis balls, black shoes, Duracell batteries and a black flashlight at the scene.

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You are Wrong Craig Playstead

I found this list of “10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy” off of MSN. It’s like we haven’t progressed from the prototypical 1950’s household at all. here’s my response to each thing:

1) “That looks cute.”
Thanks for noticing. I think you’re really cute, wanna make out?
2) “We need to talk.”
Aren’t we already talking?
3) “It’s just a game.”
Yeah, in the end we’re both losers anyway. you gonna eat that cake?
4) “Nothing’s wrong.”
ok.
5) “I sound like my mom.”
I like your mom.
6) “I just want to be friends.”
And have sex, right?
7) “Size doesn’t matter.”
Good. because I’m shorter than you.
8) “What are you wearing?”
Use your eyes, woman!
9) “Do you think she’s pretty?”
Are there aliens on the moon?
10) “Which outfit do you like better?”
Your birthday suit.

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