Shake That Fat, Watch Yo’self! Shake That Fat, Show Me Whatcha Workin’ With!

23 02 2008


Beer-belly squad to jiggle and cheer
Miami Herald: LINK

The Florida Marlins are looking for some big fans.

And by big, they mean fat.

The team is hosting auditions Sunday for baseball’s first all-male, all-obese cheerleading squad: the Manatees.

The Marlins want ”big bellies with the biggest jiggle, big feet with the best dance moves and enthusiasm that will rock Marlins fans out of their seats,” according to a team flier.

The guys will perform at Friday and Saturday home games during the 2008 season.

No experience necessary; no fat paychecks, either.

”They’ll get tickets to the games they’re in,” Marlins spokesman P.J. Loyello said.

To try out, just show up at Dolphin Stadium at 1 p.m. Sunday wearing Marlins gear — and be ready to dance. The Marlins expect to draft seven to 10 guys for the Manatees, based in part on how well they perform a choreographed routine. Like the Rockettes. Seriously.

The Marlins claim to be the first major league baseball team with a big-man dance squad, but it’s old news for Chicago basketball fans. The Matadors have been lighting up the court at Bulls home games since 2003 in their oversized red-and-black gear.

Locally, the Miami Heat has the Golden Oldies — seniors who shake it at one game a month — but the Manatees will be South Florida’s only big-league, big-guy cheerleaders.

The Manatee tryouts come soon after Men’s Fitness ranked Miami-Fort Lauderdale seventh on the magazine’s annual list of the fattest places in America.

The magazine reported that 21 percent of South Floridians are obese, and there are more fast-food joints and pizza shops here on average than any other cities on the list.

Maybe the Manatees will inspire South Floridians to shed a few pounds.

Fat chance.





Will the Real Jack Bauer Please Stand Up

23 02 2008


Man Gets Probation After Claiming To Be Jack Bauer
Associated Press: LINK

Possibly on PCP?

A college student was given probation for repeatedly ramming his car into another man’s vehicle, claiming the man was a terrorist and he was the character Jack Bauer, a federal agent on the Fox television show “24.”

However, the victim, Marlon Cantoral, 30, provided a false address to police and did not appear in any of the court proceedings, prompting prosecutors to enter into a plea deal with the student, Edgar Sullivan, 23, of Elverson, Pa. The student faced up to 10 years in prison for second-degree assault, a charge that was dropped as part of the plea deal.

Cantoral may have been living in the United States illegally, and that may have caused him to provide the fake address, said Wayne Kirwan, spokesman for the Howard County State’s Attorney’s Office.

According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral’s van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.

Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting “he’s a terrorist,” according to charging documents. “My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist,” Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.

Officers contacted Sullivan’s father who said his son was not married and the family was fine, authorities said. In court Thursday, Sullivan apologized for the incident, telling Howard County Circuit Judge Richard Bernhardt that he has been attending alcohol treatment and plans to graduate in May.

Sullivan, a student at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County who pleaded guilty in September to drunken driving, smiled but did not speak as he left the courthouse with his parents.

“This is rather embarrassing for him,” Sullivan’s attorney Charles Broida said after the court appearance.

“It was bizarre, but he doesn’t remember it.”





Daily Lit: books by Email and RSS.

23 02 2008


I’m reading Red Badge of Courage and Time Machine. and I can’t wait for the next books!

DailyLit:LINK
How It Works

DailyLit sends books in installments via e-mail or RSS feed. We currently offer over 750 classic and contemporary books available entirely for free or on a Pay-Per-Read basis (with sample installments available for free). You can read your installments wherever you receive e-mail/RSS feeds, including on your Blackberry and iPhone. Installments arrive in your Inbox according to the schedule you set (e.g. 7:00am every weekday). You can read each installment in under 5 minutes (most folks finish in 2-3 minutes), and, if you have more time to read, you can receive additional installments immediately on demand. Our titles include bestselling and award winning titles, from literary fiction and romance to language learning and science fiction. DailyLit features forums where you can discuss your favorite books and authors. We also have a gift service, where you can send books via DailyLit to friends, with installments starting on any date you choose (even that very day – perfect for last minute gifts), and each installment comes with a personalized message written by you.





Feed Journal!

23 02 2008


RSS feed Newspaper Creator

“With FeedJournal you decide what gets printed in your daily newspaper!

Why spend more time than necessary reading on your computer screen? Print out your favorite content in a time-tested, elegant format. You read 25% faster on paper! FeedJournal is an award-winning solution for converting Internet content to a newspaper.”





Holla!

23 02 2008


Strapless G-string Underwear
Daily Candy: LINK

2007 was all about showing your punany to the public. But now hoo-has are out. (Or should we say in?)

Thanks to Shibue Couture, you can still wear absurdly short, tight dresses without flashing your vadge to the whole world.

The panties go from your nani-nani to your bum-bum without wrapping around your hips. (Need some help visualizing? See picture.) They’re the first ever strapless G-strings.

Made of soft, high-quality fabrics (unclear which kinds), each one comes with a liner and twelve adhesives, which mold to your special place. Yes, folks, they are reusable. Just remove the sticky stuff (the tape, people, the tape), rinse the fabric with mild soap and water, put on new adhesive, and you’re ready to whore out again.

Go with the pink one with red hearts or the black with gold studs.

Either way, it’ll keep your privates private.





Self-Healing Rubber.

23 02 2008


Professor invents “self-healing” rubber in Paris lab that could have many uses
Canadian Press: LINK

PARIS – A chemistry professor in Paris has come up with a kind of rubber that can “heal” itself.

Ludwik Leibler says his rubber can be stuck back together if it is torn, then used over and over. The self-healing rubber was made in his lab at the Industrial Physics and Chemistry Higher Educational Institution in Paris and details of his research are found in the journal ‘Nature’.

Leibler and his colleagues built up their rubber from simple starting materials including vegetable oil and urea, a component of urine.

The resulting material is a cross between silly putty and a rubber ball with applications ranging from adhesives to bicycle tires.

Leibler has already struck a deal with French chemical company to develop and commercialize the material and says he would like to see the rubber used in toys.





Amazing Memory! AHHHHH!!!!!!!

23 02 2008


Don’t tell him to forget it — it’s not going to happen
Associated Press: LINK

You thought it was about Computers! Gotcha! It’s about this guy who can recite everything about his own life! yes! LOUD NOISES!

LA CROSSE, Wis. — For as long as he can remember, Brad Williams has been able to recall the most trifling dates and details about his life.

For example, he can tell you it was Aug. 18, 1965, when his family stopped at Red Barn Hamburger during a road trip through Michigan. He was 8 years old at the time. And he had a burger, of course.

“It was a Wednesday,” recalled Williams, now 51. “We stayed at a motel that night in Clare, Michigan. It seemed more like a cabin.”

To Williams and his family, his ability to recall events — and especially dates — is a regular source of amusement. But according to one expert, Williams’ skill might rank his memory among the best in the world. Doctors are now studying him, and a woman with similar talents, hoping to achieve a deeper understanding of memory.

Williams, a radio anchor in La Crosse, seems to enjoy having his memory tested. Name a date from the last 40 years and, after a few moments, he can typically tell you what he did that day and what was in the news.

How about Nov. 7, 1991?

“Let’s see,” he mused, gazing into the distance for about five seconds. “That would be around when Magic Johnson announced he had HIV. Yes, a Thursday. There was a big snowstorm here the week before.”

He went on to identify correctly about 20 other events including the birth of the first test-tube baby in 1978, the toxic-gas leak in Bhopal, India, in 1984, and Billie Jean King’s victory over Bobby Riggs in tennis’ “Battle of the Sexes” in 1973.

“I’ve always been this way,” Williams said. “Growing up, I never really had reason to think I wasn’t like everyone else.”

So how does he do it?

“You want the Nobel Prize right now? Tell me that answer and I’ll publish it,” said Dr. James McGaugh, who has studied Williams since last summer. “We don’t know. We do know that he carries this information with him, that it’s detailed, that it’s just there. That’s what we want to know — why is it there?”

Williams’ brother first contacted McGaugh, a research professor at the University of California, Irvine, after the neurobiologist published a case study of a similar person in the journal Neurocase in 2006.

That woman is in her mid-40s and was identified only by the initials A.J. She told McGaugh whenever she hears a date, memories from that date in previous years flood her mind like a running movie. The phenomenon, she laments, is “nonstop, uncontrollable and totally exhausting.”

“Most have called it a gift, but I call it a burden,” she wrote. “I run my entire life through my head every day and it drives me crazy!!!”

McGaugh and his colleagues subjected A.J. to a battery of psychological tests. Given a date at random, she was nearly flawless in recalling the day of the week and what she did that day. The details she provided invariably matched what she had written in diaries decades earlier.

Scientific literature documents people who could memorize a series of 50 to 100 random letters or digits. Another person read a 330-word story twice, then reproduced it nearly verbatim a year later.

But those research subjects remembered meaningless information. What distinguishes Williams and A.J. is their “superior autobiographical memory” — an above-average ability to remember dates and details from their distant past, McGaugh said.

“In subjects we regard as having this ability, they do better than 90 percent on the tests we provide,” McGaugh said.

The tests typically involve reproducing personal information that can be corroborated with old scrapbooks, yearbooks and diaries, sources that McGaugh often tries to obtain from family members without the subjects’ knowledge.

Other tests involve naming a notable public event and asking for its date, or vice versa.

Williams and A.J. both performed better on topics that interested them. Williams excels at pop-culture trivia such as Academy Award winners, but he stumbles on sports.

A lifelong bachelor and self-described Scrabble addict, he finished second when he appeared on Jeopardy in 1990. He says he went 5-for-5 on “1984 movies” but tripped up on categories including “snakes” and “words that begin with ‘kh’.”

Because a person’s interest in the information is a key factor in recall ability, some researchers doubt that Williams and A.J. are unique.

“If it’s a truly amazing memory that just sucks things up, it shouldn’t be based on how interesting something was to you,” said Stephen Christman, a neuropsychologist at the University of Toledo in Ohio.

Christman, who wasn’t involved in the research, pointed to baseball fanatics who remember obscure statistics because of their passion for the game. Perhaps, he speculated, A.J. obsesses so much over past events and relives them so frequently in her mind that it’s now effortless for her to recall countless dates and events.

The number of people with comparable memory skills has been hard to pin down. After publishing his research with A.J., McGaugh heard from about 50 people claiming they had the same skill or, like Williams’ brother, knew someone who might.

Of them, McGaugh and his colleagues have identified a third person — a 50-year-old Ohio man — who shows similar promise.

Ever since pointing his elder brother in McGaugh’s direction, Eric Williams, 45, has been recording Brad’s adventures for an upcoming documentary. The movie, to be titled Unforgettable, is scheduled to be completed later this year.

“The human brain is the most complicated and important machinery in the known universe,” McGaugh said. “My aim with this research isn’t to cure Alzheimer’s. It’s to decrease the mystery of this marvelous machinery.”





Fuck You, Julia Roberts.

23 02 2008


Change of heart may cost you in Mexico
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS: LINK

Hahahaha.Jennifer Carol Wilbanks. That is all.

MEXICO CITY — Runaway brides – and grooms – in Mexico City could get stuck paying for the limo and flowers under a bill proposed by a local lawmaker Friday.

If approved by the city assembly, the law would offer engaged couples a legal contract outlining how much a man or woman can recoup if he or she gets jilted at the altar.

The contract would stipulate reimbursements at any point the engagement is called off.

“What we want is to protect the person who is being hurt, not only emotionally but also economically,” Jose Zepeda, a divorce lawyer-turned-politician, told The Associated Press. “Whoever rents a wedding hall, pays for the church, for the cake, has the right to be reimbursed.”

Such contracts could “eliminate the culture of fighting,” said Zepeda, who proposed the bill.

Laura Gomez, a 33-year-old, bride-to-be perusing a bridal shop in downtown Mexico City, said the contracts were “a perfect idea.”

They would “give more security and trust to both people involved,” Gomez said.

But Pamela Montiel, a 19-year-old getting married in April, said she would never sign such an agreement. “Things like that are for immature people,” she said.





The Terminal Fo Rizzle

23 02 2008


Homeless chef lived in London airport for years
MSNBC: LINK

Tom Hanks was in “The Terminal” with Catherine Zeta-Jones. It was OK. This is kind of like it maybe. enjoy. also, funny picture. LOLZ!

A newspaper reports that a homeless chef has been living at London’s Gatwick Airport for three years.

The Argus newspaper in the southern city of Brighton says Anthony Delaney has been camping out at the airport’s south terminal and leaving only rarely to collect unemployment benefits.

The newspaper says the 41-year-old ate, showered and slept at the airport despite dozens of run-ins with police and a civil order banning him from the facility.
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The paper says Delaney is due to be sentenced next month. He acknowledged violating the order in court Monday.

Sussex Police say they first stopped Delaney at the airport in 2004 and have recorded more than 30 encounters with him since.